drained

Ashley's going to rehab for the next three months. I'm sitting in class when I should be there. I don't know what she's feeling, she's always so calm. I can't stop crying every now and then. I hate this. I honestly can't believe this. I'm so crushed. Why couldn't this just happen to me. This isn't supposed to happen to my little baby sister. God I'm so fucking mad. I can't stop thinking about it. I want to make my mom feel better but I can't, I don't know what to say. We are her life, we've always been her entire life, I can't imagine how she feels. She is the most amazing woman I know and I'm so sorry that this is happening. I hate this so much. I wonder what my dad said last night. I need to stop thinking about this, I just can't deal.

I need to study for my algebra and government tests. I nee to set up my tattoo appointment and get shit straight with my car. My 21st birthday is on Saturday, I don't know how I'll enjoy it. I'm so sad I can't stop thinking about Ash. My heart is so broken. God I can't stop crying now I feel so stupid. I really miss him. I guess it just takes my mind off of this. On to another fucked up semi-good situation. Blah I wish I could be there. I really just want him to kiss me right now.

I wish yesterday never happened.